New Feature: The DMR/Bob’s Taffy Flanks Joke Of The Day!

What follows is the first in a series of The DM Refugees “Joke Of The Day.”  This uproarious new feature is sponsored by the new candy company, Bob’s Taffy Flanks, coming soon to a store near you.  Remember, it’s Bob’s Taffy Flanks – whap ’em and scarf  ’em down!

Without further ado, let’s get on with the mirth!

Joke for October 23:

“What’s the difference between a

We regret to inform you that there is a sudden legal snafu between the makers of Bob’s Taffy Flanks and our website; it appears the candy company has taken issue with the fact that the first joke, marked October 23, was actually posted at 12:24 am on October 24 – violating the terms of the agreement for individual day naming rights for The DMR/Bob’s Taffy Flanks Joke Of The Day, since technically, it was posted the day after the advertised joke was scheduled to appear. From the publishers:

We feel the pulling of the Bob’s Taffy Flanks charter was at the very least, premature, and at worst, a violation of our contract in light of the naming rights laws in at least four states.  In addition, legal ramifications resulting from this action have threatened the continuation of the series, at least through October, according to our legal consultants, the firm of Lopes, Garvey, Russell, and Cey.

In addition, the bidding for the original contract came down to four worthy companies, in our estimation; while we have not contracted with the three other bidders – Toasty Coffee Strips, Ramsey Geese Droppings, and Encyclopedia Pennsylvania – none of the other bidders included time stamping as part of the requirement for the naming rights. We have been asked by Bob’s Taffy Flanks (to be honest, the stuff tastes like paint chips) to return the naming rights fees; we will diligently fight this action to the fullest extent of the law.

Sadly, it appears that our next DMR “Joke Of The Day” is postponed indefinitely. Until, then, we invite you to sample our other humor writings, as well as the work of Robert Smith, Jon Pine, and Steve Ricci, who, ironically, enjoy taffy on a daily basis, particularly Smith, who’s really let himself go.

Remember, it’s The DM Refugees, more fun than a barrel of

We have been informed by a prominent national toy company that we cannot refer to our site as a “barrel of anything,” since it infringes on the copyright of a famous children’s game.

In that light, we instead wish you a pleasant

We have been given a note claiming that a goodbye greeting invoking “a pleasant” cannot be used by our site since it infringes on the sign-off catch phrase of a national news reader.

Just log on to the fucking Onion, will ya?



Filed under Humor, Posts by Robert Smith

7 responses to “New Feature: The DMR/Bob’s Taffy Flanks Joke Of The Day!

  1. Jon Pine

    Dear Sir,

    It has come to our attention that your company, Bob’s Taffy Flanks, has engaged in felonious larceny and patent infringement against our client, The Acme Paint Corp.

    You are hereby demanded to cease and desist further production of Taffy Flanks products manufactured with this stolen recipe.

    Good day, sir… I SAID GOOD DAY!


    Morton Q. Mellonvernin, Esquire
    Mellonvernin, Freedlander & Zipp, Attorneys at Law

  2. Steve R

    Dear Mr. Smith,

    It has come to our attention that your current blog post makes use of several hundred words currently listed in the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, Eleventh Edition, a clear and egregious violation of U.S. copyright laws.

    Please delete the post immediately and consider yourself thus forth enjoined from using words.


    The Ghost of William Safire

  3. Robert Smith

    To the companies listed above:

    After much consideration and after consultation with the legal firm of Lopes, Garvey, Russell, and Cey, we have determined that…

    “Joke Of The Day” was an idea well worth pursuing, but we’re going to replace it with “Asian Porn Link Of The Day,” probably to be followed by complaints from the so-called “Religous Right.” After that fails, reviews of the various brands of hand sanitizers.

    The DM Refugees: innovation, controversy, and coupons.

    The Editors

  4. Jon Pine

    Dear editors,

    Where can we find those Asian links?? (strictly for bible study research purposes, of course)


    The Religious Right
    Motto: “Sexually Repressed and Proud of It”

  5. Robert Smith

    Unfortunately, I’ve been advised by Mr. Russell of our law firm that we can’t do the links; something about some guy calling him and complaining about “links go through, links go through,” and he couldn’t follow up since he had to oil his glove.

    In that light, we’re still seeking sponsorship of our “Joke Of The Day” feature..and wonder of wonders, I’ve been contacted by a new candy company called Bowl-A-Pop.

    And this isn’t a sham: It’s a serious idea and a real candy, still in the concept stage.

    Regardless, I couldn’t help but want to follow up with the Bob’s Taffy Flanks people, but their factory was closed in conjunction with the current Viking holiday. So, I went to my neighborhood dollar store and found a Halloween-big pack of Bob’s Choco-Taff Taffy Flanks – you know, the one with Flanky The Street Bum on the label. The package was a whopping 1,300 ounces, and contained about 1,00o individual pieces made to give out to children dressed as Aquaman and witches and such.

    Well, after all that driving, I got home and broke off a piece…Choco-Taff tastes like a mix of dry chocolate drink mix (without milk, mind you) and, you guessed it, mortar mix. Wow; it only goes to show what a good ad campaign can do for sales. If it wasn’t for the Flanky The Street Bum ad showing him getting thrown out of that pizza place, I’d wager nobody would buy that candy at all.

    So, in any event, our quest to print that punch line goes on. I won’t rest until we get a sponsor for “Joke Of The Day.”

    But even Belle, my dog, turns up her snooge at that taffy. And I’m not feeling well at all; is sputum supposed to be gray?

  6. Jon Pine

    Dear sir,

    You have left us no choice but to issue this second cease and desist demand, this time for your use of the mascot “Flanky the Street Bum” to advertise your candy products.

    It is our contention that the use of this character infringes on the trademark and copyrights held by another of our clients, Gladstone Enterprises, manufacturers of the “Pan-Handler Pete” action figure.

    Your immediate cooperation is expected.


    Morton Q. Mellonvernin, Esquire
    Mellonvernin, Freedlander & Zipp, Attorneys at Law

    • Robert Smith


      Wow, those taffy tools cause trouble every time they turn around, don’t they? It’s just one sticky situation after another –

      Hey, that’s funny. Taffy! Sticky! Get it? Wow, I might try to write a humor piece soon!

      Bob Obvious

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