TV Review: Red, White & Puke

Macy’s Fourth Of July Fireworks Spectacular
July 4



We have reached the point in the never-ending dumbing down of America that TV networks can’t even broadcast a fireworks display without the viewer eventually lusting to throw red, white, and blue bricks at his own HDTV unit.  We must ask: How in the good name of the Gruccis can they manage to mess up a televised fireworks display? Isn’t it – and shouldn’t it be –  pointing some high-def cameras at the sky, and allowing the viewing public to enjoy?

Not any longer.  July 4’s Macy’s fireworks special from New York City on NBC was unwatchable, overproduced, and, well, sickening; the event was about as sincerely patriotic as an evening in a Guyanese cathouse.  From the insipid, language-mangling host Nick Cannon to meaningless music (a lot of it taped) from the likes of flavor-of-the-month Justin Bieber to appearances from the cast of whatever Twilight film is out this week, the entire production was geared toward getting brain-addled tweens to stop Tweeting during the holiday weekend.

Sure, all of the musical mediocrity was on display pretty much before the fireworks started – but yes, Virginia, they managed to screw up even the pyrotechnics display itself.  The telecast was nothing but endless crowd shots and the worst, remade quasi-patriotic music ever recorded – they actually played a voice singing “la la la” over patriotic songs at the top of the fireworks display.  Other pure schlock music was served up by such modern pop music atrocities as the a cappella abomination Straight No Chaser, which makes Rockapella sound like Parliament/Funkadelic.

The actual fireworks – as usual, best viewed from Queens without the disgusting music – might have been great, if you were on that side of the river. On NBC, the actual fireworks were presented as pretty much an afterthought.

Know what would have been more patriotic than ogling Taylor Lautner’s pecs? How about 11,000 or so righteous, intelligent  Americans peacefully holding signs with sayings such “Our Sons & Daughters Out Of Afghanistan & Iraq Now!”  At least, it would have put a proper, somber, meaningful touch on this year’s July 4 holiday.  Our put-upon troops are what we should be celebrating, as well as an assembled wish for logic from our people and our government, with hope for peace and prosperity for all.

Instead, here’s Maxim girl Kristen Stewart, who is still a good girl since she didn’t choose Playboy in which to pose semi-nude.

What a country.

© 2010 Robert Smith



Filed under Current events, Entertainment, Posts by Robert Smith, Television, Uncategorized

6 responses to “TV Review: Red, White & Puke

  1. Jon Pine

    Happy Birthday, America, I hope you like crap…

  2. Robert Smith

    Direct steal from Lewis Black – of whom I would so love to get opinions on this TeeVee Extravaganza!

    • Jon Pine

      Well, I stole it from you, who stole it from Lewis. And then I paraphrased.

      But yeah, Lewis would rant about it, too, though I liked your rant quite a lot. When did twangy country music become the new patriotic standard? I don’t feel particularly warm and fuzzy listening to Lee Greenwood — I get irritated and feel like my I.Q. just dropped 10 points.

  3. Robert Smith

    Jeebus! I’m with you…Greenwood’s USA song just might be the worst song ever recorded….pure schlock wrapped in the …wait, I take that back. You ain’t lived till you’ve heard “country superstar” Aaron Tippin’s “Drill Here, Drill Now.” I’m not kidding; go to Amazon and get yourself a 30-second snapshot of brilliance!

  4. This is what you get for not watching A Capitol Fourth on PBS.

    This comment brought to you by a public broadcasting employee.

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